Who Comes First, Husband or Kids

Recently, I saw a post on Facebook where a mom was complaining that her husband said that she should put him first. Now I don’t know the content of the conversation or the context of that statement, but the woman was in complete disbelief that her spouse would say such a thing.

She believed that her kids should always come first. Many other moms who commented on the post seemed to agree with her. They thought that the woman’s husband was crazy for saying such a thing. They said that the kids are the priority and if the husband thinks otherwise, then he can just leave.

I have a difference of opinion on the matter. I think our husbands should come first.

 In a marriage, there are a lot of people involved, but who should come first, the spouse or the kids?

When we enter a marriage, we are choosing to be in a relationship with another person. We promise to love and cherish them. We are vowing to love them before during and after we have kids in our home.

Sometimes we women think that because our husband is an adult, he should therefore be self-sufficient. We take on the full burden of the kids’ needs leaving us little time to focus on our spouse. We rationalize that our spouse should understand that the kids are the ones who are not self-sufficient yet and therefore they require our time and energy.

Kids do require time and attention. But, it doesn’t all have to come from us and it should be at the expense of our spouses.

Now if my child is sick and throwing up, I will not leave them to fend for themselves just because my husband want to discuss his feelings on a particular topic. I will however make time for that conversation later.

Our goal in our relationships is to contribute to eachothers’ happiness. We want to grow to understand one another which will in turn help us to understand ourselves. We want to be each others’ confidants and companies through life.

We also want to be united in our decisions about our kids. We are a team and we want our kids to see us as such. We want to be an example of a healthy relationship where we respect and act Kindly towards one another.

If we act in a way that makes the other person expendable, then that is how our children our going to see their future relationships. They will also live in fear that their significant other will find them expendable.

We don’t want that kind of life for our kids. We want them to have relationships where they feel safe and loved. So, that is the type of relationship that we try to model for our kids.


 Couple laying together

Lastly, we want to have the type of relationship where we are holding hands at 60. Where we know each others’ quirks and can laugh at them. Where strangers can pass by and just tell how much we love each other.

But that kind of relationship takes work, and that work starts at the beginning. We need to prioritize our relationships with our spouses not only for our benefit, but for the benefit of the kids.

This means making sure to communicate well and often. It means being open and honest about what we like and don’t like. It means trying not to be passive aggressive and apologizing when we are.

Putting our spouse first doesn’t mean forgetting about our kids our leaving them to fend for themselves. It means putting work into our marriage. Learning to understand one another. Making an effort to express our love for one another. And respecting one another.

This creates the kind of safe, supportive, loving environment which will allow our children to thrive. By putting our relationship first and making time for our spouse we are in fact helping our kids feel safe and loved. How’s that for multitasking?

What do you do to prioritize your relationship with your spouse? Share in the comments.

Cheers,

Emily